Time

Well it's happened, THE BOY and I decided to take a break. I know it's needed, I understand why it's needed. He needs to get his head together, and really so do I. I'm not blaming him, I'm not hating him, I'm not even mad at him. However, I cried from like 5pm last night to sometime way too late this morning. I look like a zombie today and I felt like someone kicked my ass when I woke up. You know the feeling, you wake up and your eyes are swollen and bloodshot. Yeah that was me this morning.

I wish I could be mad, I wish I could put that wall up that I spent so much time making for all those years. It seems to be failing me, that bitch that I know and love that normally comes out to protect me is failing me horribly. Instead I'm just this broken hearted, hysterical, alone female... and I hate it. I hate that I let him in so much, I hate that I didn't realize how much I let him in.

I can respect time, I can respect needing to get things together... but I do know myself enough to know that there will come a point where I will be closed off, I'll be closed off to letting him back in.

Essentially I feel like complete shit, and not too sure what else to say.