(LONG) Update

Ok so I've vanished lately, for that I apologize, but I have had so much going on in my little world that I don't know where to begin.

To start, a friend of mine gave birth to a gorgeous little baby boy on Tuesday, he's so cute!!! I spent the better part of 2 1/2 hours at the hospital last night.

In other news, IrishGirl (formerly known as M) and I have decided we're going to start a sitcom regarding the wonderous issues of dating in our lives. Please any names that you would like to throw at us are appreciated!!! I'll get into more of why we decided this a bit later, but the fact that we've known each other for 17 years and have been there through everything make the whole situation even more amusing!!

THE BOY is driving me slightly crazy. I don't get him, honestly. He tells me he has no clue what he's doing and he's so confused, and yet he misses me. I apparently don't know how hard all of this is on him, and so on. The thing that makes me laugh is that I gave him everything he said he wanted, I gave and I gave and I never asked for anything in return. At the moment I'm emotionally drained, at least where he is concerned. I have nothing left to give him, and that doesn't really bode well for him. I have said many times that I hit a certain point where I'm too exhausted and I stop fighting and just walk away. I've hit that point, at least very nearly. There are times when I honestly miss him, but they're less and less and it's more that I miss the guy I started dating and the potential he has. Funny, but I think I dated potential for a year. Ah well, live and learn right?!?

Now this is where the story gets interesting haha (This may be slightly long-winded, and I apologize for that but there's a lot of background that needs to be understood I think)

Friday I was having one of those days, the ones where the idea of having no plans and going home to do nothing just seemed like the worst idea. So realizing that KarBear was sick, I called up IrishGirl and vented to her. We hatched a plan to go out, since she didn't work until 10 on Saturday. I put my happy ass in my car and drove the 2 hours back home. We had a good time, discussed the issues with THE BOY and talked about her and IrishMan. (Which by the way, I just love how happy this boy makes my best friend!!! She was positively sickening how cute she was the whole time she was talking about him, and when he'd text her. I love it!!!) After a couple drinks I got a little goofy and decided to text (um, I hadn't thought of a name for him yet… shit…uh) Country Boy (it fits I suppose).

Now Country Boy is someone that we've known for years, high school actually. We were all really good friends, and our Junior year he decided he was in love with IrishGirl. So the entire year I spent playing referee to them. She was never sure how she felt about him, and he was persistent. Eventually though, he grew tired of waiting for her and started dating Bitch (sorry, I know it's not very creative, but seriously the best word to describe her. And I don't mean bitch in that complimentary way it can be used…just plain Bitch). After they'd been dating for awhile IrishGirl decided she'd made a huge mistake (hindsight huh??) and more drama ensued.

Country Boy and Bitch dated for about 2 years, through IrishGirl and my Senior year almost. After graduation we realized they'd broken up, through mutual friends since we rarely saw or spoke to Country Boy when he was dating her. So of course, IrishGirl and him started hanging out and eventually ended up dating. She was leaving for school (5 hours away… man I'm glad you're back home girl!!) at the end of summer, and apparently everything was going to be fine…no problems, life was good. (I was with THE EX at this time and rarely saw my friends…yes stupid I know… again, hindsight) Suddenly though, Country Boy vanished. We didn't get it, he finally had the girl he'd been "in love" with for years, and he started blowing her off. We found out later, like 2 years later, what the whole story was. It had to do with something very serious that was going on with a friend of his, which I won't post here, but he felt the need to be loyal and keep it a secret, as he'd been asked to do. However, it ended their relationship.

He fell off the radar again for awhile, found out later that he'd ended up dating another girl we'd gone to high school with and moved with her to where she was going to school. Then he ended up back home. We've kept in touch over the years here and there. We'd always lose touch and then end up finding each other again, the 3 of us seem to not be able to rid ourselves of the group I tell ya. I tried a few times to get him and IrishGirl back together, but it was no use, times had changed and so had people. She wasn't willing to open up to him again, and I can't say that I blame her.

So fast forward to Friday night… after a few drinks I decide to text him. We get to chatting and end up talking for 3 hours, yes 3 hours through text. Our convo started out innocently enough, I mean please I only said hi when I sent him the first message. However, somewhere along the way the whole convo changed and we were suddenly flirting.

Don't get me wrong here people, I'm a flirt… I KNOW I'm a flirt. I'm a flirt sober, get any alcohol in me and I'm even worse. So the fact that I was flirting with someone I was "buzz" texting didn't shock me, it was the fact that I was flirting with Country Boy and he'd started it!! I think I slightly felt my world shift a little that night, no joke. It ended with us making plans to hang out at his place the next night. When I finally fell asleep that night, I was so confused and baffled as to what had just happened… I mean this was Country Boy.

Now before any of you freak out about the whole, this is your best friends ex thing, she was sitting there with me the whole time and knew what he was saying to me… and was telling ME what to say back. She's been under the impression for months that him and I should date. I'm not sure what her line of thinking is, but she doesn't care and chalks it up to a lost high school relationship and why should she care?? Trust me, if I ever thought it would damage her and I in any way I'd walk away.

So along comes Saturday night, I hung out with another friend of mine for awhile and headed over to his house around 8 or so I guess. We sat around talking for awhile and then decided to watch a movie…and before any of you start laughing, we actually seriously watched the movie. There may have been some cuddling but that was it, and it was nice.

Ok, so I stayed there… and yes we actually slept!! (seriously people, get your minds out of the damn gutter, please) There may have been a whole lot of cuddling, and kissing, but that was it. (Please, my mind was so jumbled and confused to begin with, I was NOT going to add to that)

We have plans for tomorrow night too, and I'm so excited to see him again it's sickening. I've talked to him every freaking day since Friday night and I actually look forward to talking to him. I mean last night he ended up falling asleep before I got home from the hospital so when I called he was already asleep, and I missed talking to him because we'd only talked for a few minutes that day. I mean come on, what is wrong with me people?!?!?! I make fun of these giddy, hyper, smiley people, and now I'm becoming one of them. Aggghhhh!!! We decided we're just going with whatever this may be at the moment, because it's either that or just pretend like it didn't happen and neither of us want to do that.

So that's basically my story at the moment… I'll keep you all updated on how the weekend goes, and maybe I'll post tomorrow about how I actually feel, but figure this has gotten long enough already.

Aghhh!!!

Bad Timing

So I've been doing a lot of thinking today, and I've realized I could completely and totally let myself fall for E. Now here's the problem with that: both of us have been in relationships for the past several years, and both of us could probably really use the time alone to try and just be. We talked about it a little today because I finally got brave enough to bring up the subject and he even said, I really think I'm leaning towards being alone for a while. I can respect that, probably more then most people, but it doesn't help the fact that I could see myself really caring about him.

This brings me to the realization that I have the worst timing with things. I mean seriously, this is quite possibly the best guy I know and one that would treat me really well and I end up coming into his life when he doesn't want a girlfriend. How lovely... = I realize I could be patient and just see how things develop, I mean I could really use the time too, but patience is not my best virtue. I do realize it would be a slow thing either way, considering he's quite a ways away from me to begin with, but I just don't know. I really like him, and I like him in that way you end up liking someone when you're in high school and it's all new and all you do is smile. I haven't felt that in a long time. I never really felt that rush with THE BOY, and with THE EX there was a part of that, but I think it was more the way things with him and I progressed. THE BOY just kind of slowly developed, there was no rush. THE EX and I, well I don't even really know, I was so unsure for the first several months of that relationship that I don't know what you'd call it. I was happy, but that lasted for such a short period.

I suppose at this point I'll just play it by ear and see where it goes. Something tells me I could bend him to what I wanted, just a guess and feeling I have, but I don't want him to feel pressured, and I also don't want to push him away. So apparently he's now just my little play thing.... as I've dubbed him. Let's see how long I can play this game without getting burned.